I think James Marsden is a really pretty person.
Pretty people like James Marsden make me want to die.
It is almost too painful too look at him sometimes.
When he shows up in movies and TV shows, I almost want to run out of the movie theater, or turn off the TV, just so I don’t have to be reminded of how pretty some people can be.
Once, I thought I saw James Marsden walking down a street in New York City and I almost died from look at his prettiness, it is just too much pretty all at once, but as it turns out, it wasn’t him at all, just some other James Marsden look-a-like.
Sometimes when I feel really lonely, I think about what it would be like to be a really pretty person like James Marsden, to have James Marsden eyes and James Marsden teeth and James Marsden hair, and to have really lonely people like me thinking about James Marsden me when they’re really lonely, and what kind of energy that might be sending to James Marsden.
But maybe James Marsden is a really lonely person too.
Maybe sometimes James Marsden sits in coffee shops, brooding over lattes, thinking about what it must be like to be some average normal person, but I find this theory unlikely.
Sometimes I think really pretty people are really stupid so maybe James Marsden is really stupid because if you are that pretty, there must be some justice in the universe (Is it really justice though if you were smart and ugly? No.)
I don’t think James Marsden is a particularly good or interesting actor.
I can’t think of a single movie James Marsden was in that stands out to me as a particularly good movie.
Now that I am wikipedia-ing James Marsden, I remember the first time I saw James Marsden.
It was the trailer for the 1998 movie Disturbing Behavior.
I remember the trailer because they used that song Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger and that was a very big hit that year, it was on the radio every ten or fifteen minutes.
Disturbing Behavior is about a new teenager played by James Marsden who moves to a town where they perform experiments on high school students to turn them into better football players and cheerleaders or something and Katie Holmes is in it and she’s supposed to be “from the wrong side of the tracks,” or something.
It is a unremarkably bad film except that it stars the pretty James Marsden and Katie Holmes.
Oh, god… Katie Holmes. Let’s not even go there.
Did you know James Marsden used to be a Versace model?
Oh, and yes, apparently James Marsden can sing, too, because James Marsden was in that film version of the musical version of Hairspray which is based on the (sell out) John Waters film.
Also, James Marsden is a dad.
James Marsden has a 10 year old son named Jack and 6 year old daughter named Mary.
I bet James Marsden’s kids are going to grow up to be pretty people too.
Pretty people spawn other pretty people.
Maybe we should just kill all the ugly people in the world and make all the pretty people procrate and then everyone will be pretty like James Marsden and it would be like that Twilight Zone episode where everyone is forced to undergo a treatment that makes them pretty and happy.
I want to undergo that treatment.
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